What I learned When I Couldn't Swallow

A couple months ago, I began to feel pretty sick. I had been working seven days a week for a while, so I assumed it was just exhaustion. I took a day off (mostly), but instead of feeling recharged, I felt much worse. And then I felt worse, and worse, and worse. I was misdiagnosed twice, once in the ER where the doctor completely missed the obvious signs of mono. I have never experienced so much physical pain. My tonsils were the size of silver dollars, and for weeks the pain was excruciating. A day before I finally received the correct diagnosis, I stopped being able to swallow. The pain was simply too severe.

All of this began to happen three weeks before Christopher Newport University and William & Mary started this semester, which coincided with the opening of the prayer room at CNU that I help oversee. Every day that I laid in bed, I watched my to-do list grow exponentially. This was nearly as painful as swallowing. I couldn't help but get a little frustrated with God. I had faith for miraculous healing. Other people prayed for me that had faith for healing. And yet, there I was, letting all of my ministry responsibilities fall to the wayside as I was unexpectedly forced to take three weeks off at a critical time.

My mind was so foggy, I could hardly concentrate on anything, but one Scripture kept ringing in my spirit: "[God's] power is perfected in weakness." While my intricate plans fell apart, God was working, and using the beautiful community that I have found myself in to complete what he wanted to accomplish. Just one example of this was the 12 hour burn (unbroken prayer/worship). With so little preparation and promotion, I thought a few people would show up. But no one was ever alone in the prayer room, and we regularly saw 10-15 people gathered at one time, and we finished the day with a packed house (Oh, and by the way, some young radicals extended our 12 hour burn into a 19 hour burn).

This is just one example of how God showed up. It was humbling. I realized that maybe God doesn't need me as much as I sometimes think he does. Psalm 127:1 came alive to me through this experience. "Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain." For over a year, God has been speaking to us and others about our transition into working with campuses around Virginia, especially CNU. Why would I think that God would rescind all of those promises just because I got sick?

God's gonna build his house. God is going to be faithful to His word. If he's promised you something, he is going to deliver. And he may just allow some weakness into your life so that His power can be revealed a little more clearly. Like Paul, I am realizing that "In my weakness, I am strong." I am not losing sight of the fact that God has called me to steward His promises, but I am certain now that Jesus uses the foolish things of the world to confound the wise. It's all about Jesus, and sometimes it takes a little weakness to remember that fact.